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I have no idea what I'm doing with my life

j6:

real-madecima:

j6:

disappointment

did you go through your selfie tag again?

no i looked at my penis

trxyesweater:

Two funny things

1. She has game. Like A LOT!!!

2. In the show he was literally the technology expert…

sluttyoliveoil:

*ends every piece of advice with “idk though” so that its not my fault if i ruin ur life*

dutchster:

do parents feel offended when their kids call themselves ugly like hey those are my genetics you’re talking about

camembertlylegal:

deadlydinos:

Once I was walking home with some law school friends and they were like ”Why are you walking up that street your street is like three more streets up”

"Yeah but there’s a house on this street and sometimes their golden retriever naps in the sun on the sidewalk and I like to give him belly rubs"

Now all the law students walk up belly rub lane because law school is stressful and dogs rock

I bet that is the happiest dog

bewwbs:

how to get girls to like you:

  1. compliment their eyebrows
  2. eat them out

woke-up-on-derse:

ghostystar:

imagine how different your life would be if you had complete and unrestricted access to all the clothes you wanted and no limitations on wearing them

imagine how confident everyone would be. it’d be beautiful 

Anonymous said: What's the most illegal thing you ever did?

sephyerite:

almanzapedia:

At Stanford there was this Professor who was a total bitch and she taught British Literature, which was cool. Except she taught only her opinions of the books and it didn’t help me as a writer. I went to school to learn new things to improve my craft, not have someone else’s opinions carved onto my forehead.

So anyway, for our final project, she asked us to write a ten page paper on why the color symbolism in Othello was so significant. I did some research and it turned out that she did her entire graduate thesis on this very subject. I was mad. This wasn’t teaching, this was boosting her ego. SO I wrote a ten page essay on why color symbolism in Othello wasn’t significant, satirizing it to the point of no return, saying that her opinion was an opinion and shouldn’t be taken seriously.

SHe failed me, needless to say. So in retaliation, I responded by baking a batch of brownies laced with weed and laxatives and delivered them myself to the professor hours before her big graduation speech. I told her that it was a peace offering, my way of apologizing and asking if I could do anything to fix my grade.

She refused to fix my grade.

In the end, she shit herself on stage.

I didn’t regret it.

No mercy.

chomei:

chomei:

heterosexuals are so boring. like what do they do

image

alfredont:

THIS IS THE WHOLE PLOT TO MEAN GIRLS AND I DIDNT G ET IT UNTIL NOW. THANK YOU RACHAEL

alfredont:

THIS IS THE WHOLE PLOT TO MEAN GIRLS AND I DIDNT G ET IT UNTIL NOW. THANK YOU RACHAEL

chaseross:

twoandtwentyonebee:

drarna:

asking for straight pride is like asking for able bodied parking spaces

thats a really good comparison because there are about seventy able bodied parking spaces to one disabled and able bodied people still insist on using the ones that arent theirs

this is seriously a great post 

fruitcrocs:

fruitcrocs:

what the FUCK people can WHOLE chickens?!!

ok i was talking about “canned whole chickens” not people are able to whole chickens

16 year old child: mom, dad: I'm gay/lesbian/bi/pan/ace
Straight parents: you're too young to know what your sexuality is! It's just a phase.
Baby boy: *stares at a baby girl for no reason other than the fact that babies stare at everything*
Straight parents: oooh! Ladies man! We're gonna have to keep the girls offa you!